Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
