The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
