The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
