I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
