@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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