Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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