you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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