I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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