That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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