I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
