Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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