so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
