after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
