Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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