he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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