So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
