After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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