There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's shark week go big or go home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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