she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's shark week go big or go home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
