News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
