I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
