As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
