Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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