Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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