This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
