Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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