Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize