What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
