Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't just leave with hair like that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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