he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
