During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
