The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
