If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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