How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize