Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
