Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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