I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
