Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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