I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I just sharted jello shots
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
