dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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