No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im six kinds of drunk right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
