Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
