Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
