Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
