I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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