Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
