the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
