my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
