I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize