2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
