allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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