Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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