it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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