hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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