i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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