Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will be naked everywhere
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
