I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
