Sponge bath it is.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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