We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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