we need to drink 2009 down the drain
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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