someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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