I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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