so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
