We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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