Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize