I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
