We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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