so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wear drunk well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize