Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
