Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
