I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
