I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
