you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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