I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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