i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
