alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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