he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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