he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
