1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
