Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
