I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
