maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
