i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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