i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
