My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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