Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
