I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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