Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
