Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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