My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
