heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
